Everything here is literally me and mine… the picture, the beat and of course the beautifully crafted words.
Yes, go get your headphones, you already know 🌚.
I call this the sugar rush... because I'd like to define it as the dopamine phase where you get an exciting rush of ideas and dreams run through your ever creative mind. You get so excited about the possibility of these ideas and dreams that become ambitions that you now want to work on, become and realize.
These ideas come in several genres; self development, career, family, business, content creation, chores even.
It begins with the inception of these beautiful ideas to the excitement of the imagination that immediately tasks your brain on the next possible and available way of turning this ideas and ambitions into reality.
*Now let's act like I know Biology abi shey na Chemistry*
Therefore an hormone rush of excitement and strength released into your brain that pushes you to work and find the fastest possible way to turn your dreams to reality.
In this process of finding a way to make it real and mind you, it's most likely not one idea that comes up ..they could be 4 -5 life changing ideas or plans that you think would make your life better or even life in general, you begin to run on the excitement of the imagination of the possible reality your brain has put in you and you're almost undefeatable by anything. You try to research every means and resource to get you to the place of your dreams.
Initially it seems fine and sane to run and pursue all these dreams at once so you of course keep pushing 🅿️...but just a little later, it starts to overwhelm you, anxiety creeps in with a Rodney smile on, the excitement you're running on begins to deplete, your mind is now like a browser with so many open unsorted tabs, you're now loosing strength but the dreams and visions are still there fresh like today's bread , staring at you like “Alexia won't you come and get me ?, “ugh you're lazy!”, “tch so you want to give up on me uhn?”, “so you don't want to become a better person ?”, “you don't want to add value to this company ehn?”, “there's only a short time left o Alexia, come and get me now or never, hmm I'm hot cake o”
Yes that's the your brain whispering these hypertensive words to you, it now gives you a time scare, also begins to judge you for being anxious, being confused, for not knowing what to do next or even knowing but not having the strength to carry it out...it's all gradual and sometimes you won’t really notice the detailed transition that goes from being fully excited and energized to not having strength or lacking directions.
This phase now becomes dangerous, anxiety is now the order of the day even though you may seem all calm while carrying out your day to day activities but your mind is clumsy and doing the tap dance at the same time.
You query your confusion and lag, so you probably even push harder but you only become busy and not productive.
But my dear guess where you're strolling into, with your hot cake dreams in a bag,?… A dark room called LETHARGY
Lethargy refers to a sense of fatigue and a lack of both mental and physical energy and motivation.It can be accompanied by depression, decreased motivation, or apathy.
In this room you even gaslight yourself and say things like “pfft, what was I thinking when I thought of such plans and dreams?, lol”. Then probably even ‘move on', forget it or postpone it to the never coming future.
Very recently, I had a bunch of career, self development and life changing ambitions.
I'm a very self aware person I sense my littlest growth even in other people. I think I was built with a growth sensor. I mentally keep track of all my actions before they even reach growth milestone.
But while I was getting weary, I questioned why and why I would be dealing with that much anxiety, I initially tagged it to premenstrual stress concerns but even past it, the anxiety only got weserrrr. A few days after, i realized it was anxiety from the plans and dreams I was simultaneously pursuing. I was almost fully the cause of my anxiety, but I just couldn't stop myself from being anxious and also overthinking.
I would severally say to myself, " Alexia, calm down ", “take it slowly and step by step”. But lol, it was mere meow meow.
Yesterday, the anxiety was so on the high that I almost had a panick attack at work, I knew I needed to stop overthinking but I was overthinking about overthinking. My mind was running like a car with no brake and a trembling driver, but c'mon I was at work, I had to function.
I was too anxious to ask for medical help. Moreover , what would I have said was wrong or more importantly, what would they have said to me?
Along the line my friend randomly replied my post on WhatsApp and we started talking about our present lives till I just unconsciously started talking about how pressured and overwhelmed I was ...thank God for him and the timely words of his mouth.
Most things he told me I already knew but some were new.
I just need someone to empathetically tell me the things I already knew ...it was like magic my mind race and palpitations decelerated gradually, it felt like fast medicine.
I got a better grip of myself and the brake of my mind started to function slowly. It was almost all I needed before I ran my ass into a state of lethargy.
He was like a superhero that caught while slipping from a skyscraper. Not all superheroes where capes, right?
I'm not in entire grip but yes I can control my directions and atleast the anxiety is on the low...I can probably go from here but also with help from people around, cause I'm like a baby learning to walk.
If I don't take things slowly now I'd just loop the same phases continuously till my village people are satisfied.
Like Salem King said “ burnout is not your mate o”. So, Alexia take it one by one, drink Apple Capri-sun and binge watch Tom and Jerry.
I'm grateful for friends and even strangers that help me on the these type of days, no matter how little the help is.
I think this would have been better filmed. Would most likely film this on YouTube sometime.
Till the next entry,
Alexia.
If you have any tips on how to navigate this adulthood thing, hit me up with them tips and a sprinkle of funds.
Lethargy...learnt something new..but one thing Alexa...do not pressure yourself....imagine your life situations; bad or good circumstances as normal. Your car is going at a slow. Take time . All these situations are bound to happen. Hell, it’s inevitable. Don’t have panic attack oh💜
Wow wow wow. Anxiety is a bastard. It makes you feel like you have done nothing and you need to do more and at the same time you feel like you have done a lot and you need to do nothing.
Many ideas come to mind every single day but when you focus on a lot of things you later find out you actually never had focus. So it's better to go one step at a time. Remember you might not be where you want to be but the main thing you should focus one is that you are not where you were yesterday. Thank God you have a growth sensor in you😃. I for sure can see the growth so KEEP IT UP. YOU ARE DOING WELL ( In Mr Macaroni's voice)